How to make big decisions
When you reach a crossroads in life, how do you know what to do next?
For me, a stage of life, a job, a living situation or a relationship needs to shift when I no longer feel as if I am growing. When my heart feels stuck, or I’ve simply become too comfortable, or my gut feels dread, intuitive red flags go up and I know it’s time to pay attention.
It is never energetically worth the price to cling to anything that is not repairable. Sometimes that’s hard to determine on your own, but with practice, you’ll know when you’re actually acting on intuition or acting out of fear and frustration. I try to see these big choices as an opportunity to practice TRUST.
It’s still always scary to let go and it’s never a decision to take lightly or to make when emotions run high.
I’ve come to learn quite a bit about these types of big decisions. How do you determine if you’re decision is truly coming from a place of avoidance or trust? Below are a few solid suggestions to consider:
Seek and listen to sound advice. Sound advice does not mean ‘seeking out those who will side with you or tell you whatever you want to hear.’ Especially if your decision will effect others directly, seek out neutral people you respect and look up to…those who will lovingly call you on your shit and actually tell you the hard, painful truths. This is often where a good therapist can come in.
For example: if you’re considering a separation or divorce, sound advice does not come from gossiping to a divorced friend or trashing your spouse to a non-neutral party (i.e. family member).
Give yourself a 5 year visualization. A previous therapist of mine offered this suggestion to me years ago and it has always stuck with me. When you come to a true crossroads in your life, take the time to REALLY fully consider and visualize in detail: if you choose A, B or C, what exactly will your life be like in 5 years? How will you grow or change? Which decision could you truly feel proud of? In what ways will your decision positively or negatively effect those around you?
Don’t waste time. There’s never actually time to waste when it comes to matters of the spirit. Find a balance between rushing into a decision and truly considering all options. Over the years with various big, scary decisions, I’ve learned that if I cling too long to comfort and make excuses to stay, my body will force a dramatic exit for me.
That basically manifests as an accident, an illness, job loss, dis-ease, chronic pain…etc.
Stay flexible. Remember that no matter what you do to prepare and be mindful: some departures will go smoother than others. Do your best to let go of expectations, otherwise, all of your decisions will be skewed to simply be about you.
Explore all options. As someone in the helping profession, one of the most exhausting and repetitive phrases I hear is: “I’ve tried everything.” But in reality, you obviously haven’t. NO ONE has tried everything, it’s just something we say when we’ve given up. Even ‘experts’ in any given field haven’t ‘tried everything,’ because you simply don’t know what you don’t know. When you keep doing the same thing, you’ll continue to get the same results and that’s kind of the definition of NOT trying everything. Stay humble enough to admit that you don’t know it all.
As with many things, the best way to confidently make wise spirit-led decisions is through practice.
Start small and practice seeking calm awareness in all decisions, big and small. Seeking and listening is always the first and most important step (ie. listening to God’s ‘still small voice,’ listening to wise counsel from those around you, listening to your heart…etc.) But you can’t expect to make life-altering wise decisions if you’re not making little wise decisions in the day-to-day that do not have big feelings and emotions attached to them.
If you are truly willing to take the time to consider these suggestions, you will be on the road to success. If you need a bit of help navigating, as we all do at times, be sure to reach out.
