Tech and children
I am a product of the late 80’s and early 90’s when life was simply…well, simpler. All kids spent most of their free time outside. The internet and smartphones weren’t on the scene until I was on the cusp of adulthood. We didn’t have to worry about the addictive qualities of technology, managing online profiles, sexting or social media bullying.
Nowadays as a parent, we are unfortunately required to be well-educated and make wise decisions about screens and technology early. And on top of it, we are required to stand our ground in relation to other families, friends and parents who make different choices. Even worse: some such decisions cannot be undone. I’ve seen various studies and articles on pornography exposure for teens, but the most recent study I read claimed that the average age for children to have exposure to pornography is eight. EIGHT years old. How incredibly heartbreaking.
Screen Time
Understandably, screen time can be a very touchy subject for most parents nowadays. We all have to navigate what works best for our family and there are lots of competing and influencing factors including single-parent homes, older siblings, required technology for school…etc. But especially if you have young children or toddlers, how do you navigate making your own choices while living within a technological world?
What’s the best choice for you and your family?
Pace yourself. It’s a lot. But let’s start with the basics of what you HAVE to start with when you have a baby: general screen time. “Screen time" refers to the total amount of time a person spends using electronic devices with screens, including smartphones, computers, televisions, or tablets.
A few key facts to note:
Young children absorb twice the amount of radiation as adult brains do. (Making things like cellphone or laptop use riskier for children)
Babies and toddlers also are learning about the world every day and do not know what is ‘real’ and what is not. This can sensationalize screen use and dull real life experiences.
Blue light exposure (from screens) has a significant negative impact on children's eyes, brains and sleeping habits.
Many parents don’t realize that if the television is visible your child, that is screen time!
Toddlers and infants are at significantly higher risk to become addicted to screens because of the excess stimulation.
“The American Association of Pediactrics’ most recent guidelines for screen time now recommend no screen time at all, except for video chatting, for children under 24 months”
It’s tough! I honestly can’t imagine being a stay-at-home mom or dad with multiple kids and not relying on screens for some portion of the day. But when you boil it all down, it is still a choice (albeit a challenging one) and it can be done.
Because of the known risks and addictive qualities of screen use, there are now lots of resources, books, toy subscriptions and ideas on how to avoid screen-time and encourage independent play. It is a lifestyle. But all family members have to be on board and you obviously have to have support systems in place to make it happen.
Cell Phone Use
Once you navigate the choice of screen time, next up will likely be cell phones. When is it ‘necessary?’ How long can you put it off? How will you manage comparison and jealousy when friends have phones? And most importantly: how will you manage your OWN phone use in your child’s presence?
“In 2017 the New York Times did a great piece about the way tech companies use schools to promote their products. The article compared the tech industry's methods for pushing its products in schools to those methods mastered by the pharmaceutical industry. Drug companies regularly pay doctors to give speeches and offer them free meals because these perks influence prescribing practices. Tech companies have gone as far as flying school officials to speak at events and often take them to expensive restaurants in an effort to influence them to purchase their products.” - Disconnected, by Tomas Kersting
There are a few things to consider when managing phones or no phones.
Individual maturity of your child plays a huge role. Are they responsible enough to understand the risks and follow rules?
Does your child actual need a phone or do they just need to be able to contact you in some way? There are lots of alternatives for family communication such as kid phones, smart watches or tablets.
Most phones on the market nowadays have the option for parental controls. But are you able and willing to put in the time and effort to monitor usage and know about possible loopholes?
Social pressure can come from your child’s peers OR yours! Neither are good reasons to cave.
One of the biggest challenges with cellphone use (particularly smart phones and social media) is the addictive quality. How will you manage that inevitability?
The average age for introducing a communication device (not necessarily a smart phone) is 13. As kids begin to develop more independence, the perceived need often arises at or around this age. However, if you feel led to wait until your child is 18, go for it! There will always be peer pressure and whining regardless.
Utilizing technology.
There can be a fine line between protecting and sheltering your children and I appreciate that concern. Kids will still grow up to be a part of our technologically savvy world and we do want them to learn how to type. So how do we strike a balance, especially for younger children?
Establish clear household rules, time limits and boundaries. This will look different for every family, but in general, just remember to prioritize letting your kid be a kid. Boredom is healthy and necessary for creativity, development and independent play.
Designate specific areas of the house as ‘tech-free’ zones such as bedrooms, private areas or the dinner table.
Learn about technology together and focus on educational resources and apps. This is not a subject to leave kids to explore themselves or learn from their peers.
Help your children understand that technology is a tool, not primarily for entertainment.
Consider adding a timer to your wi-fi router. This is a simple way to remind the whole family of boundaries with screens or to wind down before bed.
Modeling healthy tech boundaries is the most important suggestion. Kids really do learn by example and if they are often observing you looking at a screen, they are going to ascribe a much higher value to technology and phones.
Do your best to stay informed along with other parents. And don’t be afraid to seek professional guidance if you’re concerned about your child’s technology use.
Diconnected, by Thomas Kersting.
This book is a great resource and place to start if you’re considering how to manage technology use in your home.
Psychotherapist and parenting expert Thomas Kersting offers a comprehensive look at how devices have altered the way our children grow up, behave, learn, and connect with their families and friends. Based on the latest studies on the connection between screen time and neuroplasticity, as well as the growing research on acquired ADHD and anxiety, Disconnected presents a better way to move forward. Kersting shares indispensable advice for parents on setting boundaries and engaging in concentration and mindfulness exercises.
