Confronting Your Triggers
*Disclaimer: in the context of this post, we are defining ‘triggers’ as “a stimulus that elicits an emotional reaction.” This is not intended to downplay or bypass the serious nature of PTSD, addictions or trauma, but to shed light on avoidant behavior.
As a mental health professional, it is literally part of my job to help you understand your own behavior and responses.
Imagine a scenario in which you feel emotionally challenged, irritated or “triggered” in some way. Perhaps someone has said something you inherently disagree with, something you perceive as untrue, disrespectful or immature. How do you handle it? What is the way you typically respond? And what if your response doesn’t elicit the reply you were hoping for? And furthermore, what if the person irritating you is…your therapist!? (GASP!)
This exact hypothetical is actually a valuable part of therapy and a big part of our lives outside of the clinical hour. Though we live amongst a cancel culture in which complaining and avoiding is often more commonplace than healthy confrontation, we only make it harder on ourselves and those around us if we are unwilling to consider our own patterns of behavior.
If we never face our natural instincts and knee-jerk reactions, there’s honestly not much point in receiving therapy at all.
As long as our regular responses go unnoticed or uncontested, we will continue to stay in the same subconscious cycles, for better or for worse. We will continue to feel triggered. We will continue to shut down or seek escape when we feel challenged. And we will not develop emotional maturity. We are basically handing over the reins to our emotions to whoever we’re talking to at the time!
Analyzing your behavior objectively–let alone receiving feedback on it–is not typically easy nor enjoyable work. It requires:
An established and healthy relationship with a good therapist
A willingness to feel uncomfortable
Honesty with yourself and with your therapist
Babysteps toward a goal or milestone
Hanging with uncomfy emotions and confronting what triggers you is clinical work. In other words: it is exactly the type of work you should be sorting through alongside your therapist. So if your therapist is the one who challenges you, irritates you or says something you perceive to be untrue, PERFECT! What better opportunity than to discuss it in session?
Unfortunately, some clients choose a different route: escape. Clients aren’t always ready or willing to do the hard work. So when they are confronted or challenged on something that feels non-negotiable to them, the next step is often avoidance.
“I need to cancel my next session because [insert cryptic excuse].”
“We just have some fundamental differences that I’d rather not discuss.”
“I’ve been seeing lots of improvement in my life, but I won’t be continuing therapy.”
It’s always unfortunate when progress is thwarted in this way. In many instances, it’s heartbreaking. It can enable toxic behaviors to continue within a relationship, perpetuate cycles of negativity or abuse, or simply halt forward momentum in a client’s emotional maturation. It’s HARD to find a good therapist that fits your goals and vibe, let alone one with availability. Sometimes there are legitimate reasons to stop therapy or seek another therapist. But starting over with a brand new therapist rather than directly addressing issues with a longstanding therapist is like ‘shooting yourself in the foot.’ Because you will just get triggered again in some other way and it will keep happening until you either give up on therapy altogether or find a passive therapist who doesn’t challenge you at all and agrees with everything you say.
I am not a passive therapist. I assure you: I will not agree with everything you say and when I see a negative pattern perpetuating, I will absolutely call you on it when the time is right. If you are just looking for a place to go each week to vent, I’m NOT your guy. But if you’re ready and willing to make a change and face your issues, I’m here for it!
If you’re ready for life-changing, pattern-altering therapy, contact me for a free consult to see if we’re a good fit. In the meantime, check out our blog posts above so that you know what questions to ask me!
True North Vitality is seeking spiritually mature Christian counselors to complement our team. If you are looking to be a part of a small, supportive organization, please check out our Career Opportunities page to see if we’re a good fit.
