Fear of letting go
Recently, I have noticed a phenomenon repeat itself within my EMDR sessions. If you are currently experiencing EMDR therapy, you are aware of the concept of the “container” to be utilized when a memory needs to be laid to rest for a period of time before it can be processed. For those of you who are not familiar with EMDR therapy, there is a particular tool that is built within the confines of ones mind called the “container.” This is similar to the frequently used concept where one can “shove a thought of feeling in a box and put it away.”
In EMDR, the function of this container is to place difficult/traumatic memories in a safe container until the client feels they are ready to face that memory. This provides a rather cathartic safety from that traumatic memory, as it is no longer taking up free brain space.
In the more recent months of my practicing EMDR, I have noticed clients who have feared or held significant anxiety around forming their container. This, at first, perplexed me. After all, the container is supposed to be a tool to give relief from intrusive memories, thoughts, and feelings. Many clients reported fearing what would happen or who would they be if they let go of or put away certain traumatic stressful memories.
Although there are many layers to this phenomenon, one of the deepest ones if the fear of being well or the fear of letting go of the dysfunction that you are used to.
The things that bring us into therapy and what we want to heal from are the very things we subconsciously try to hold onto. Fearing wellness is, in my experience, one of if not the most pernicious barriers to healing.
Many of us have formed our identity around our trauma responses and traumatic experiences. How many times have you said things like “ Well, I learned to be a fighter,” or “I hate when people cry, that’s just who I am. I’m not emotional…” What if those responses were to keep you safe during really vulnerable times within your life? What if those self-identifiers are really not who you are at the depths of your being?
If what I have been saying has struck a chord with you, I encourage you to sift through these questions in your own spirit:
What am I am holding onto that I am afraid of letting go?
Who am I apart from what has happened to me?
What do I try to control that I fear letting go of?
As you ask yourself those questions, know that discovering yourself is a difficult but beautiful process. There is a You at your core that you have been protecting. Is it time to lay down the sword and find out who that person really is?
