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What to do when your spouse doesn’t want therapy
When things aren’t going well in your relationship, it’s already a very isolating and lonely feeling. If your spouse or partner isn’t willing or committed to try counseling, it can feel even more lonely and frustrating.
While you obviously cannot control and should not manipulate your partner into therapy, there are sometimes a few suggestions that may help.
What makes a good therapy session?
Spoiler Alert: it’s not just a ‘good therapist.’
Whether you’re new to the therapeutic process or not, knowing how to utilize and evaluate your therapy sessions is very worthwhile knowledge. You and your therapist are both bringing different things to the table and investing into your time together, so you ought to know what to look for and how you can make the most of each session. Just like in any other profession, there are good therapists and poor ones, creative ones and lazy ones, good fits and bad fits. The same goes for clients! Some are actually willing to do the work and will see change as a result, while others just want to talk once a week and stay trapped in their comfort zones.
Why “Trying Harder” Doesn’t Work
“So I'm using the word infrastructure to make the point that if you have NEVER had a successful conversation with your partner where you felt heard, got your point across to where it was at least accepted if not agreed with, and did the same for your partner, then you have not actually been having a dialogue at all. You have been having two separate monologues and expecting the impossible…”
How to Interrupt the Pattern on Repetitive Arguments
You know what types of arguments or disagreements you and your partner have on a regular basis. You can almost see the storm brewing a mile away once it starts to play out (again), but it seems inevitable. It can leave you both feeling shutdown and hopeless. What do you do when your ingrained ‘differences in perspective’ lead to an all out thrown down fight? And even more so: what can you do when that argument is on repeat in your relationship?
Common Issues Couples Fight Over Series: Part 5
It seems like every one of the posts in this series (Things Couples Fight Over) keeps coming back to one thing: our culture. Roles and responsibilities of a husband and wife are drastically shifted from what they were 100 years ago. While many of these changes are obviously positive and every couple is different, some cultural expectations put unnecessary subconscious pressure on us. We should not be looking to our culture as a healthy model for what marriage should look like. If the world was doing it right, there would be far more happy longterm marriages.
Common Issues Couples Fight Over Series: Part 4
Intimacy and/or sex are almost always included in the top 3 things couples fight about the most. Perhaps this is because we were never really taught how to navigate such delicate matters…intimacy is, afterall, a very intimate topic to talk discuss!
Over the years, many couples tend to for get about the importance of intimacy and take it for granted. As life gets in the way of dating, intimacy is not prioritized and becomes non-existent. This is how once loving, married couples turn into roommates who are coexisting.
Common Issues Couples Fight Over Series: Part 3
Finances
I don’t know many couples who have not at least bickered about money at some point, especially starting out. Whether it’s mismatched expectations about roles and income, overspending, hoarding or shame, EVERYONE has baggage around money. When two people come together as one in marriage, financial beliefs often clash in some way.
Common Issues Couples Fight Over Series: Part 2
How We Spend Time Apart
Spending time apart in a healthy way is under the assumption that you are already first prioritizing quality time together. From there, the way you spend time alone should be nourishing for your soul. ‘Alone time’ doesn’t mean running errands by yourself or catching up on household projects. Spending time apart should be an intentional and mutual choice based on each individual’s needs. Here are a few ways to assure that your time apart doesn’t turn into wasted time or arguments.
Common Issues Couples Fight Over Series: Part 1
How We Spend Time Together
Without any guilt or judgement, take a moment to honestly consider the following question: in a given week on average, how much time do you devote to spending uninterrupted quality one-on-one time with your partner?
9 times out of 10, in an unhealthy or unhappy relationship, that amount of time is negligible. How you choose to spend time together or not spend time together is truly a barometer for your relationship.
